What Time Is It for Them?

Somewhere in your DMs right now there's a message that came in around midnight. It probably reads as a quick question, with a couple of exclamation points and a "just wondering."

There's more in that message than the question, and once you see it, you can't unsee it. Your messaging changes with it.

A few things I see all the time, and I bet you'll recognize at least one.

A lot of times, you think your people need motivation, because that's what's lacking, or that's what you see in your industry. Maybe they're just bone tired, and they need permission to rest and a safe space to do it, and that safe space is your offer.

Maybe you think they're afraid of taking risks, when they're terrified of losing the stability they've built over time.

Maybe you think they want more clients, when what they want is to make a bigger impact without fearing that one bad month is going to become a disaster.

Or maybe you think they need better strategies, but they're drowning in strategies. They've got so many flying at them that they just need someone to tell them which ones to stick with.

Every one of those is the gap between what we assume and what's happening for them, and closing that gap is what this letter is about.

After thousands of client messages and DMs, and so many conversations with creators all over the world, three things kept showing up. I think of them as three ways of seeing, and they tell you what your person is thinking at the moment they reach out, and who they are underneath it.

It may feel a little strange to talk about observing inside a method that's all about connecting, because observing can feel like pulling away from the conversation. Stay with me. I promise it all comes back to connection.

The first way of seeing is what they do, and the part of it I love is something almost none of us look at, which is the timestamp.

When someone reaches out in a DM, the first reaction is what did they say, and then you answer that.

Notice when they said it, too, because the time can tell you a lot about where they are right now.

Let's say it's five in the morning for them. That could be anxiety that woke them up, and the first thing they thought about as their feet hit the floor was solving this problem, and then they came across your offer and felt like maybe you could solve it.

The late-night messages, the eleven o'clock and midnight ones, could be exhaustion. That's scrolling in bed trying to solve this problem, trying to figure out how they're going to break free from the situation, that aimless scrolling at night.

The Sunday night messages, depending on your industry, could mean dread about another week, with the redundancy and the hardships of another week weighing on their mind.

The Friday afternoon messages could be a spark of maybe things could change. They want to dive into something, and there's a sense of motivation there.

And then there are the 3 a.m. messages. That one gets its own week in my full training, because there's a lot to it, so for now just keep the 3 a.m. mind in your thoughts. That's where the fear comes out.

So the timestamp can reveal their emotional state, sometimes better than their words can, and certainly the two together, in the context of why they're reaching out, give you a lot of information.

There's also a language gap, meaning what they say versus what they could mean. Now, I'm not going to say that every time somebody says something, they mean something completely different. We want to take people at face value. Everybody has their own value, and they're using their words to express something important, and I want to honor that.

I also want us to recognize that sometimes people don't know how to express what they're feeling, or even what they want. Having a trained mind to work through those things with them makes an impact in their life, and that's a good thing.

Here are a few I hear every week, and I bet you do too.

They could say, "I'm reaching out because I need to scale this offer." What they could mean is my runway is short, or I'm one bad month from disaster, or something else about a financial challenge.

They could say they need systems. That could mean they feel scattered, like they can't keep track of things, and like they're growing too fast to organize things in a way that lets them take a deep breath and pause.

They could say they want more visibility. They could just be tired of feeling invisible after putting themselves out there. How many times have you created a post you poured yourself into, and it fell into the void? Over and over and over, that's exhausting. Their need for visibility could be a cry of, "I'm tired of feeling invisible."

And they could say, "I need clarity. I'm unsure." What they could mean is they know the steps, but they're feeling stuck, or afraid, or paralyzed to move forward. Sometimes clarity is a disguise for something bigger.

The polished version of what they say, especially what they say first, before the conversation starts, is often protection.

They're not sure how you're going to react. They're not sure if you're going to jump on everything and try to sell them something. There are a lot of unknowns, and it's powerful that they reached out in the first place.

So as you begin talking with them, search for the messy truth underneath, whether that's in DMs, comments, or anywhere else in the digital world.

The second way of seeing is what they could be feeling, and this one takes a little looking, because the emotion is usually hiding under something that sounds logical. You've heard every one of these.

You've presented an offer, and they say something like, "I need to think about it." That could mean I'm interested, but I've been burned before. In this day and age, with so many offers out there, it's very likely that's what it is.

That's why some of the most powerful copy you can write is a risk reversal guarantee. They've been burned before, and that's the reality we're living in.

If they say it's not the right time, it could be that it's not the right time. More often, they're concerned this investment isn't going to make the changes they're hoping for, so it's pointless, or a waste of time, energy, and money.

If they say it's too expensive, they could mean I don't know if I'm worth investing this much in myself or my business. There may be an issue of worth underneath it.

Sometimes it means exactly what they said, and that's okay. But dialing down into what the objection is matters.

All emotion words matter, but four of them stand out to me every time, because they're so easy to mistake for something smaller.

If someone uses the word exhausted, it's not that they're busy, it's that they're bone-deep tired.

If they use the word invisible, it's not that they need more impressions on their posts. It's existential. Something feels off for them, and they aren't aligning the way they want to.

If they say they feel behind, it's not that they haven't caught up on a thing. It's that they feel ashamed of how far they are from where they want to be.

And if they use the word stuck, it's not that they need more clarity or more information. It's often that they feel paralyzed about the next step.

These are not synonyms. They're completely different experiences, and that drives the way we write to connect with them.

The third way of seeing is who they're becoming, and it reveals so much. There's a whole week on the space in between in my training, because it's that big, but for today know that people make decisions in the space between who they are and who they want to become, and that space reveals so much.

If they're caught between who they've always been and who they're trying to become, they could be caught between the strategy that got them here and the one that will get them there, or between their current identity and the one they want.

And in that in between, we make identity negotiations. In messaging, you want to listen for something like, "People like me don't usually."

The translation is something like, I'm trying to become someone who does this. I'm not there yet, but I recognize that's what I want.

Or, "I've always handled things myself," which could translate into, I'm exhausted, but letting go of my old self feels wrong.

Once you can hear those, you can write to them, and that's when someone starts to feel like you get them.

There's a research study from 2024 that shows 87% of marketers assume their audience feels what they felt, and that assumption is wrong 73% of the time.

Now again, zero shame, ever. Everything I teach is zero shame. Marketing taught us, as copywriters and creators, that our emotions, our story, and our experiences translate to theirs.

To an extent, that's true, depending on where they are on the journey, and that's a topic for a different time. However, in the last couple of years, as the content revolution has happened through AI and templated copy and everything else you can imagine that's copy and paste, those assumptions have become more and more wrong, and more detrimental to your conversion.

When you observe with compassion instead of assuming, you stop missing the mark for them. You stop producing general content and messaging. You see the real problems and not the surface ones.

And let me just say that benefits your people so much. This isn't about figuring out what's inside of them so we can manipulate them through to a conversion. This is marketing without manipulation. This is true understanding.

Your people will feel seen, and in this world that's a rare thing, especially from someone who's selling something.

That's how connection becomes conversion.

There are four steps I use, and you don't need all of them every time. Work through whichever ones feel right for the message you're reading.

First, collect without judging. Don't fix it. Just notice. Hold what you see gently. Look at the messages you're getting and give grace in them. We aren't trying to analyze people. We're trying to support connection.

Second, look for patterns. One person equals information. That's good to have, so make a note of it. Five people equals a pattern, and that's something to recognize. Ten people equals the truth of your people. This is something they're dealing with.

Third, keep their exact words. Don't clean them up, and don't make them professional. Their messy 3 a.m. words are gold, because using the same feelings and words they say to you, back to them and to the rest of your audience, is what helps them feel seen.

And fourth, feel into their experience. Ask what it would feel like to be in the space in between. There's a level of assuming here, but in a different way. It isn't assuming their emotions and their journey are the same as yours. It's making an educated guess about what they're feeling and moving forward as best you can.

Say this one comes in.

"Hi! I love your content! Quick question, do you have payment plans? Just wondering, thanks!"

You may look at that and think, oh, they're interested, and they're concerned about price. Answer them and move on.

Or you may take the compassionate observation approach.

The multiple exclamation points could mean they're trying to seem casual, but something feels heavy to them.

"Quick question" is minimizing the need. They're trying to make it smaller than it feels.

"Just wondering" is protecting language, protecting them from wanting too much or feeling like they're asking for too much.

And they asked about payment plans first, which means the money fear is louder than the transformation desire.

If this came in with a late-night timestamp, that matters too. Maybe they've been thinking about it for hours. Maybe they're doing the exhaustion scroll. Maybe they're depleted and looking for the next step forward.

So it isn't price shopping, even though it can look that way on the surface. It's someone calculating whether they can risk that hope, that desire, when their runway is already short.

It's important to honor that, and when you're writing things like your FAQ, honor it in your answer to "Do you have a payment plan?"

Again, zero shame. We're all in the same boat here.

The first is observing through your own lens. You overcame visibility fear, so you assume they need courage. Maybe they're just exhausted from being invisible despite doing everything right.

The second is cleaning up their language. They say drowning, and you translate it to overwhelmed. But drowning is not the same as overwhelmed. Keep the raw words, create a word bank, and start using the words they use.

The third is missing the emotional timestamp. An afternoon message and a middle-of-the-night message are often very different emotional states, so start being aware of that.

And the fourth is fixing instead of observing. This is the tough one for impact-driven people, and I know that's you, because it's why you're reading this. This week isn't about solving. It's about seeing. The solving comes, I promise, and it works so much better once you've seen them.

If you want to try this with me this week, start with a message deep dive. Review the last 30 days of DMs, comments, email replies, and any other messages you've gotten.

Screenshot the emotional ones so you can keep them and observe them, and make a note of the exact times, especially the ones in the middle of the night or on the fringe of normal hours.

Then build your word bank. Copy their exact words, especially the messy ones. Drowning is not the same as overwhelmed, right?

After that, do some pattern mapping. Create three lists.

What do they do, meaning their behaviors? What could they be feeling, meaning the emotions? And who are they becoming, meaning the identity shift they're in?

Use their exact words as much as possible, and notice the things that surprise you, because those are important as you move forward.

Then take the observation test.

Write a piece of content using their exact words. Out of privacy and respect, you aren't telling their story, and you aren't copying and pasting their message. I mean that if they say they're exhausted, if they say they're drowning, if they say they have a short runway, if they say they feel behind, those are the things you add into your messaging.

One person is information, five people are a pattern, and ten people are truth.

The more you see what connects, the more you find the through line, and that lets you connect with more people and make the impact you want to make.

Watch for the "how did you know" responses.

I have so many messages from people I've written copy for with clients that say it's like you read my mind, or how did you know I was crying when I read this, or where have you been all my life.

They amaze me every time, and yet it's because I'm speaking their language to them. I'm not a mind reader. I learn, use, and understand these principles, and it makes a huge difference.

And if you're reading this thinking, how do I even start mapping these three things, a few prompts help.

For behavior: When do they reach out? What triggers their message, like a particular email or piece of content? Do they minimize their needs, and if so, how?

For emotion: What emotion is under the logic of what they're saying? What are they not saying? What fear is the loudest?

For identity: Who are they trying to become? Who are they now, and what are they talking about that shows you they're trying to become someone different? What old identity are they protecting? Where are they in the in between?

Before you answer the next message that comes in, ask yourself three things. What time is it for them? What could this mean? And who are they trying to become?

The bottom line is, you're not studying your people. You're seeing them. This is a gift we give to connect with them better, because your goal is impact, and that's important.

This isn't about demographics or avatars. It's about noticing when they reach out, understanding what could be beneath the logic, and recognizing who they're becoming in that space between their current self and their future self. When you observe with compassion, everything about your messaging can change, and that's powerful.

If you only remember one thing from this letter, the time they message you matters, and who they're becoming matters more than who they are.

Connect first, and the rest comes naturally.

I'd love to hear what you find. Share the pattern that surprised you most, the exact words you never would have thought of using, or the 3 a.m. timestamp that made you see something differently. And let me know if you have questions about what you're seeing and how you're interpreting it.